You're putting WAY too much thought into this.
"This is a ‘what’s your age’ thread after all . . . is it such a difficult question?"
aight, this should go without saying but I'll explain it to you.
"old enough -_-" is a pun, IE older than I'd like to be, older than I'd like to admit etc etc.
"Shakedown's response, while boorish, was not only completely true to his character displayed thus far, but also well stated."
Anything containing the term "jerk off" isnt well stated, quite the opposite actually.
"Not to mention, quite effective at eliciting a response from you"
How big of a "DUH" should I post for this brilliant analysis?
He suceeded in getting a response from me? on a disscussion forum?? NO WAY!
I always thought forums were basicly a buch of people talking to themselves and reading each others monologues! What a cunning fellow he must be to have tricked me into his game!
"that was as equally contrived and tasteless as his: an attempt to belittle and discredit his original remark - rather cliché and quite defensive, yet also nicely matching the character you have displayed."
Basicly you're saying that me responding to a post commenting how lame "jack off kiddy" was is in itself "cliche" and "defensive"
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I'm at a loss for words at your total lack of;
A) common sense as to your innability to differenciate between childish riles and an actual comeback.

the irony of your comments. By the standarts that you've explainned at lenght you're just as "bad" as I am.
yet also nicely matching the character you have displayed.
..me acting according to my own character?
Good thing captain obvious here told me that, I would have been TOTALLY lost as to who I was had he not specified that -_-